Intuition vs. Willful Forcing – A Life Coaching Tool (part one)
Article by M. Joy Young, LCSW, ACSW Portland Oregon
I don’t know anyone who has not, at some point in life, been faced with a situation or circumstance that brings out a strong sense of willful determination. Think about that would be job, friend, car, house, lover, etc. you just had to have, or think of the relationship that was not working out but you were determined to keep at all costs. Now I am not talking about the positive type of measured determination that is a great helper in achieving personal and professional goals. I am talking about a type of blind willful force that will push, cajole, force, smash, plead, beg, borrow, and (God help us all) steal in order to get something one thinks one wants.
Do you know what I mean? It’s that part of us that wants something no matter what and is willing to bend and force everything and everyone in order to make it happen.
Some people feel this type of energy is a good thing. They will say, “That’s how you get things done”. Well, yes and no. The type of forcing I am referring to often leaves the forcer exhausted, angry, bitter, resentful (you can add to the list!) especially when things don’t work out and sometimes even when things DO work out. Sadly, often times when the said goal is achieved by this type of activity there is usually little physical, mental, or emotional energy left over to celebrate. There is often a trail littered with battered love ones, hurt colleges, run over innocent by standards, and sometimes physical health issues to face.
What is at the root of this type of blind force? Probably a combination of fear, lack of faith, lack of trust, insecurity and I am sure many other reasons. But the cause is really not important. Most of us struggle with some degree of insecurity at various times in our lives and for some of us it is a constant companion in our lives. In any event, as a result some of us end up “willful forcers” when pursuing a goal, dream or desire but there is an alternative.
There is a useful tool that we all have within us. This tool is available for use at any time and is one of the antidotes for willful forcing. It is a tool that can be a powerful ally in the life coaching process and in your life. It is called intuition.
Intuition – A Definition
According to Webster’s dictionary, the word intuition comes from the Latin root intuitus which means “to look at – to contemplate”. Webster goes on to define intuition as immediate apprehension or cognition – the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference. Webster also refers to intuition as quick and ready insight.
Intuition is a human faculty that can be used to help you solve problems, create new solution, image new possibilities, and to ‘say and do’ what is best for situations and circumstances without excessive mental and physical forcing. The results of intuition to some people looks like magic, to others it looks like luck – I like to call it being in alignment with the flow of life – you can call it what you want. Intuition helps you to recognize the power of being in the right place at the right time because intuition works with the flow of life not against it.
You know you are using your intuition when you find yourself becoming more and more receptive. You accept and allow life and all of it’s circumstances to happen effortlessly without trying to force and manipulate desired results. Best of all, intuition requires your ego to get out of the way just enough to place you at the ‘sweet spot’; the spot where the flow of your life is and from that spot all the things you want to experience.
Now this does not mean that determination goes out the door and that action takes a back seat. No way. Intuition takes your positive determination and uses it to help you know when to act, how much to act, what to say or not say. It turns your steely determination into kind and gentle nudging that is steady and committed. Best of all you arrive at a goal with some good will and cheer – not worn out, bitter, and resentful. Using your intuition does not mean you abandon reason, good common sense, and logical thought. In fact it is important that you use these abilities when working with your intuition. If something seems unreasonable to you it probably is and may not be your intuition but wishful thinking or something else. So intuition is not giving up logical thought and reason it is adding an additional component.
Join me for part two of this article.
For a counseling or life coaching appointment or to answer your questions contact Joy at (503) 309-1163 .. FREE 30 minute consultation.